BUFFALO, N.Y. — National speaker, Brooks Gibbs, is in Western New York talking to students at local schools about protecting themselves from bullying.
Through local sponsorships and fundraising, Devin's Message Foundation brought Gibbs to speak at Kenmore West, Lockport High and North Tonawanda Middle School on Wednesday.
Gibbs tells us he's traveled all over the world over the last 18 years teaching kids how to protect themselves against bullies.
"I want to help students learn to cope, so they don't have to needlessly suffer," explains Gibbs. "I teach two things at all my assemblies: resilience and the golden rule. And with resilience, it's the truth about words. Words cannot hurt me, unless I let them hurt me. It's not words and actions that hurt my feelings, it's my thoughts about their words and actions that hurt my feelings..."
Gibbs describes his message as mental health 101.
"Some students have never heard this stuff and it's so amazing and illuminating for them. And the golden rule is the ancient solution to get a mean person off your back. When you treat them like a friend, they have a hard time staying mean. So treat them the way you want to be treated."
Gibbs says he does this kind of work because he himself was bullied in middle school, "I really struggled as an 8th grader with cutting, suicidal ideation...and what I do today, traveling to different schools, comes from a deep place. The coping skills I learned my freshman year saved life."
But Gibbs admits what he talks to kids about isn't the exactly the same anti-bullying message taught at most schools.
"Unfortunately, the anti-bullying movement for 18 years now has had one message. And that's: if someone is mean to you, you should get upset and report it and get them in trouble with the authorities...because there's zero tolerance for mean behavior," Gibbs saidl."But what that has done has created a sense of entitlement in kids that no one should be mean to me. And it hasn't given them the skills to guard their heart, or protect them from being wounded in the first place."
Gibbs wants to promote "niceness."
"But to enforce niceness is a pipe-dream. So the message of resilience really helps; because it teaches kids what to do when someone is mean, empowering them to solve their social problem," Gibbs said.
Devin's Message Foundation creator, Joe Smajdor, tells 2 On Your Side that this is the message kids need to hear right now. Smajdor's grandson, Devin Kurzdorfer, committed suicide April 2017 after years of bullying and cyber-bullying. He started Devin's Message in his grandson's memory with the hope that the program can help other young people suffering like Devin was.
"These kids are just really relating to what his story, what his message is," Smajdor said of Gibbs' presentations at WNY schools. "So, we're very happy that he's here."
"If you tell a kid, 'The answer to your social problem is in the hands of adults,' that's no solution for them," Gibbs adds. "But if you say, 'You have a solution you could use yourself, and that's resilience and protecting your heart and not getting upset.' Well, that's something that empowers them. And that's my message."
He also tells kids not to be so hard on themselves, "Goals are good, but grace is better. You're a flawed human being. We have flaws in our body. People might exploit them to make a joke. So, I teach them how to be comfortable in their own skin. Be happy with who they are and how they are and not live for the approval of others."
Devin's family tells me they hope that Gibbs can come back to speak again at schools next year. They're planning to expand the program to 10 schools.