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BUFFALO, NY - Imagine being married for eight years. Your husband loves his job. As a couple, you are raising two small girls. Life appears great, until you learn that your husband has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

Nekita Ferrell's life forever changed in 2011. Her husband, Buffalo Police Officer Derrick Ferrell, died at the age of 40.

Officer Ferrell worked in the "D" District for the Buffalo Police Department. He was one of the officers in 2009 who was flagged down to help save a baby that had stopped breathing.

Not long before his death, Ferrell said "I even remember sitting on the couch one day at home watching TV and I just said to him, what if the Lord is ready for you and he burst into tears and said yes, I'm ready because I've accepted Christ, but I just don't want to leave you guys."

Ferrell is now raising her two daughters, ages 4 and 9, in Florida. She is back in Buffalo to celebrate Christmas with family and friends. It is the special place where she and her late husband planned a long future together.

Ferrell says while everyone sees the outside appearance, they have no idea what she is feeling inside. " In the inside, I'm still broken, but I have to go on."

During her husband's illness she kept a journal and now has a small book called "Ain't Goin Out Like A Sucka!" The purpose of the book is to let people know that "our loved ones are only given to us for a certain period of time," she said. The book's title was a phrase Officer Ferrell would say while he was sick. He refused not to fight to live.

The book is available on Amazon and Creative Space.

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