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Health director shares her domestic violence survivor story

A domestic violence survivor shares her story with 2 On Your Side's Kelly Dudzik.

MAYVILLE, N.Y. — Domestic violence affects people from all walks of life, and in October, the Chautauqua County Director of Health and Human Services did something she had never done before. She went public with her domestic violence story.

Christine Schuyler is a nurse and the Chautauqua County Director of Health and Human Services. She is also a domestic violence survivor.

"It's one of the amazing things where people go, I had no idea, well of course you had no idea. It's not like you wear a sticker across your head that says I survived domestic violence or my past isn't what you thought it was," Schuyler said.

Schuyler is hoping that by sharing her private life in her public role, she can help empower people who are living in domestic violence situations.

"I did witness abuse as a child. I mean, my dad would get drunk and hit my mom on occasion. Of course, it was, you know, she asked for it because she was nagging at him, but I do have memories, of my brother and I, when my dad would come home and fight with my mom, and they're not pleasant, and they still haunt me," Schuyler said.

Schuyler went to college and became a nurse. That whole time, she was in an abusive relationship.

"You think, you get married, and it's going to get better. He won't be so jealous, he will settle down, this isn't going to keep going on, but it does," Schuyler said. "Then foolishly well if I have a baby, he's going to get better and this will calm down and everything will be better, and it isn't better.

"And we split up on and off several times and get back together and I found myself pregnant again and you just hang in there hoping that it's going to get better, covering it up, being embarrassed, and in my situation, I had a lot of the more of the psychological abuse, the throwing things, and acting out and just being embarrassed by the temper that was like that."

She got out of the relationship with the support of family and friends. That's when things escalated to the point of threats of murder-suicide. But, with her support network, she was able to leave her husband for good.

"It was empowering, and I thought this is crazy. Here I am respected by all of these people in a large health care organization, and I don't get any respect at home. This just isn't right. And that really helped me to make my plan and get the strength that I needed in order to get out,” Schuyler said.

"So, that's when that light bulb went off?" asked 2 On Your Side’s Kelly Dudzik.

"Yeah, that's why I say really it's all about that empowerment. How do we help men and women who are in a violent situation to feel empowered?" Schuyler said.

Schuyler is happily re-married and her two children are now successful adults.

She says the key to stopping the cycle of domestic violence is prevention and empowering children starting in pre-school to make sure they have the self-esteem needed to stay out of abusive relationships.

"We aren't going to fix it overnight. We've got to invest in prevention. We're losing a generation right now with the opioids. We're losing young people and unfortunately, we have an abundance of how they're very, very young children in the child welfare system or being raised by family members. So, if we don't do something very impactful on the children that we have right now, I'm afraid to see what we're going to have as they age if their trauma is not dealt with," Schuyler said.

On the day Schuyler shared her story, a young woman in the front row started crying. Afterwards, she gave Schuyler a big hug.

"How did that make you feel when you were able to talk to that young woman that day?" asked Dudzik.

"Oh, we just cried together, you know, and I was so hesitant at first even getting up to really come forward with this and embarrassed, and I had said to somebody I worked with, if just one person benefits from this, then I know it's going to be worth it," says Schuyler.

Going forward, Schuyler plans on continuing to work with the schools, and now that word is out about her journey, she's more than happy to speak with more groups.

If you, or someone you know, needs help getting out of an abusive relationship, Schuyler pointed us to a bunch of resources — from the Salvation Army to county specific programs.

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