No one from the National Celery Council has stepped up to cool things off in this situation.
I get it. They're busy. March is National Celery Month. Also, I just made up the National Celery Council. Either way, I have decided to take it upon myself to address this grave injustice.
Ever since Frank's RedHot tried to drag the good, sweet, wholesome reputation of Buffalo's beloved chicken wing down into the murky, creamy depths of the Hidden Valley, we, quite frankly, have been beside ourselves. A lot of people outside of Western New York don't get it and that's fine. But you, Frank's, we go back a long way. We thought you knew us better than that. Ranch? How dare you?
You have tried to redeem yourself so let's talk about that and this tweet.
Bless your heart.
I want to be with you, Frank's, because you are trying to get yourself out of a RedHot Mess.
But, here's the thing, blue cheese dressing belongs on a salad at a casual dining restaurant--probably over croutons from the 1970s. It's just not the same thing--maybe Marie's--but, honestly, not really and I'm not going to drag her into this.
This is between us.
We have a history so I'll say this: we're not mad (we were named the friendliest city in the country by the readers of Travel and Leisure, after all.) We're just disappointed. But we still love you. We know you're trying. We really shouldn't be fighting in front of company.
Our hope is that this whole unfortunate and ugly episode will ultimately be forgotten only to be unearthed as an Unknown Story of Western New York by a re-animated, robot version of Pete Gallivan on Daybreak in the year 2078.
Moving forward, we can all join forces right now and support the people most affected by all of this--the people who write "who cares" in comment sections on social media or provide lists of things more important than a tweet about chicken wings--lists so long you want to pour an industrial size vat of Frank's RedHot directly into your eyeball.
See you on June 4th, National Blue Cheese Dressing Day...apparently.